Finding Motto

When I started graduate school, I knew it would be an uphill battle. I'm a procrastinator. I don't like to hand in anything until I feel good about it. I had a new baby. I was living in China. I worked full time. I thought and thought about the attitude I needed to get through graduate school. I knew I loved my subject (developmental psychology) and I knew I could think well enough to do it but I didn't know how to get myself motivated.

Just keep swimmin' swimmin' swimmin' like Dory says in Finding Nemo? No. That's all fine and good but it didn't address the underlying reason I procrastinate-- it's scary to put out your best work and have it criticized so, by procrastinating, I never actually put out my best work and any criticism can be blamed on my not doing the assignment thoroughly... didn't have the time. It's a devilish fairy goblin, Procrastination. It is birthed from Perfectionism and is the grandchild of Fear of Failure.

Already somewhat studied in human psychology, I knew honesty was key to my finding just the right attitude to adopt for grad school. I was going for my Ph.D. My parents both have theirs, which doesn't help because they either "did it in only two weeks, was the first in my field, amazed all who came within my orbit" (Dad) or "suffered for nine decades, 34-hours per day, and was bored the whole time" (Mom). I was afraid I would fail. I was afraid I'd never measure up. What I didn't realize is we are all going by different yard-sticks...and, anyway, who really cares? Comparing will only leave us vain and bitter... so says that Desiderata thing I had on my wall in Middle School.

Attitude Attitude... I needed a motto...Motto Motto... then it hit me. I needed to get the job done. I needed to stop thinking that this was going to define me. It was a ticket-punch (thanks, both Mom and Dad for helping me remember this) and whether I do the best job ever or do the worst job ever, what was important was doing the job. Do The Job, however, did not become my motto.

Motto Motto... I needed a motto that reminded me of my tendency (OK, I'll admit it, my deeply refined art) toward procrastination. If procrastination came from a slight perfectionist side of me, which actually comes from a fear of failure, then I must learn to accept, no embrace, less than perfect from myself. I must practice mediocrity. Ah, grasshopper... Practice Mediocrity.

That was it. I typed up Practice Mediocrity on a nice piece of paper and only went through 15 fonts before choosing... and pasted that sucker every place I worked. It was on my wall, on my desk, in my folders, peeking out at me from a textbook. I stopped short of making laminated bookmarks but I still think it's a good idea if someone wants to go for it.

As often happens in life, the stars align. Several years later, when teaching 10th-grade Wellness under the guidance of the amazing Dr. Chuck Fisher, I read a quote, "Perfection is the antithesis to Wellness." True. My practice of mediocrity was, for me, a practice in not being perfect. It was a practice of acceptance. I was practicing Wellness all the time.

Since then (and since finishing YES! my Ph.D.) I have shared my motto with those who may have never considered the idea of embracing and accepting a less-than-perfect self. I don't think of "mediocre" as "not good" because practicing Wellness, avoiding perfectionism, and releasing yourself from ridiculous external definitions of success and failure is a GREAT THING! Trust me on this:

Practice Mediocrity and you will set yourself free.

I'll be posting here when I want... nothing planned. Nothing perfect. I promise.

Later